Friday, 23 December 2016

So you like buffets? Well, God ain't one honey!


             Its pronounced as boo-fay in British English or if you like bah-fay in American English BUT it's not ba-fet or bu-fet😉. I Know this how? I've been there before and said ''We are having a bafet!''😂 Such savagery. Food! The magic in that word man! Fooo-oo-oo- dd! *insert some hype repetitive beat and a King Julian dance* 💃💃There! More like it. I am a foodie. A big foodie. Ashamed? Not a chance in the world. The only downside to my love for food is that, I could easily gain 10 pounds by lustfully looking at a fruit cake across the counter😭. The irony of this is that yes I love food but I hardly ever have much of it unless of course its samosas😋. Goodness! Abolfalz Beyhaqi was such a genius for the samosa mention in Tarikh-e Beyhaghi in the 10th century. Without you sir, I would have never known the piece of heaven in those small things😀. For the record, I don't know that dude either. His name is so hard, why would I know him?😒 I Just wanted to sound really smart saying his name (I'm still at the same intellectual place I was before mentioning his name. Sad). Auntie Wikipedia is the real genius. She and Uncle Google should be honored in my graduation speech😎. According to auntie, the hard name dude was the first person to mention sambusa. I'm telling you that guy would be my legit squad if he mentioned it in this century.
          I tend to get carried away by things I'm really passionate about....well, like samosas which are not today's topic. I really tried not to fuzz and twirl my hair extensions over my love for samosas.🙈  Lol but now you know my poison. It's good to know so that if I ever get lost then you'll tell the FBI, CIA And Homeland that, ''Njeri loves Jesus and Samosas. That's what we are sure about.'' (And yes I was looking for the day I will use those police terms I picked up from Designated survivor in real life and here we are. Voila!) We are trying to build a friendship here. Work with me😉.

          Back to buffets now! Phew! At last! I'm sure you've been to at least one event that had an array of food that required you to choose from. I'm not talking about those Kikuyu weddings where you have rice that looks like ugali with brown spots and the mama serving keeps insisting that its pilau😒; 
Me: Hii ni mchele gani?😕 (which type of rice is this?)
Serving Mama: Ni Pirau. Pirau jerii. (Pun is super intended) Nikuwekee pirau? 😉😀(It's pi-ra-u. Do you want pi-ra-u?)...........Sigh. 
Then There's mukimo with so many njahis you'd think there was a njahi give-away😔and not forgetting the king of the food, Mr. Big Potato swimming with two pieces of boiled meat in water presumed and believed to be soup😨. No! Not that fabrication of confusion. The sophisticated one often in metal bowls with different kinds of meat, rice in different colors, some carbs like roasted potatoes, and salads which I will NEVER EVER plate😎. Why? because you don't waste a good buffet by filling your plate with a salad😉. (I'm sorry if you're a salad person...we could be friends but it'd be a very strained relationship)  And they have desserts with strange names like croquembouche😐 that are ridiculously sweet...not that I've eaten croquembouche but I never really know what I'm eating with desserts so its only appropriate to mount that word there. The plates are often smaller than the food you should choose from which is unfair and most of us fill our plates like there's no tomorrow and we have heard the trumpet of the Lord's second coming😂. I included. It is in those moments you'll hear my mom say in the background..."Hakuna supper leo. Mtu akule na abebe na tumbo."  (''There is no supper for you today.You eat and carry with your stomach''). By the end of that buffet, you can hardly walk. All of you. Father, Mother, Minions. 😞Sigh.
          You should see the village folk in a wedding held in a posh place like Safari Park where the meaning of buffet is taken very seriously. Wah!😝That buffet will be buff buff before even half the people in the wedding eat. In such situations, it's advisable to swallow your elite ''born tao'' pride and be among the first to go for food. Let's not pretend here😔. True story people.

          The beauty of any buffet is the freedom to choose what you want, what suits you, what you desire. There is no buffet police to tell you what you should or shouldn't pick. If you feel like having a salad, then by all means bore the rest of us on the table with you😄. The idea here is, you pick this and leave that...According to your preferences. Stay with me here.

          So many times in 2016, I picked up pieces of the gospel that I liked and left those that didn't suit me in the bowl. I often picked up parts of scripture that talked about grace so as to make me feel good about my sin. I Hated it every time I stumbled upon Galatians 5:13 because serving one another in love is sometimes super difficult. I have wanted the easy way out; the not praying, the not laboring on my knees, the not seeking. I have wanted forgiveness without forgiving others. Wanted Love when I secretly dislike the next person. I have even felt like I have the right to the part of God that accepts me but not the part of him that corrects me. It has taken me forever to fully accept John 15 because pruning is painful and cutting off is hard BUT I still claim to want growth. 

          GOD IS NOT A BUFFET! This is a lesson to myself first. You don't pick what you want and leave the rest. Honey, its a package deal. If we really think about it....If He is an option on the menu then we end up with no God on our plate. Why? because then the Christianity we pick up remains to be a religion of self. The plate is filled with all human desires so God really does not make the cut. We brand ourselves Christians who speak perfect Christianese BUT the choices we make (mostly secretly) are not Christ-Like because we have reduced Him to that..... An option on our plate to run to when money is low in the bank, when someone is dying in the hospital, during accidents, when we need good grades and school fees. BUT...He becomes the small dessert side-plate in our relationships and when things seem fine. 

          We don't want Him involved in our relationships because we don't trust Him with them...He in that moment of heated passion becomes the party pooper, the stick in the mud and the kill joy. Why? Because He desires Purity and treatment of our bodies as temples and it does not quite suit our hormones or feelings at that particular time so what do we do? We shove God in the backseat to when next we will need Him which is probably when we need forgiveness and the strength to move on or after failure. We pick Him Up, dust Him off and we say...."I'm in need of something Now. Do you mind working some of those miracles you do? I kinda need that very urgently."

          We try so hard to put God in a box, to really fit him into the lines we create, to limit Him to the walls in our minds. I am as guilty as they get. I have labored so hard sometimes to this point; "No God, it is supposed to be this way. Why on earth, would you take that away? I need it. I Love it. You can't just do that Daddy. I'm smart, I'll handle this." The nerve! The audacity! The effrontery of a mortal like me to argue with immortal perfection...1 Timothy 1:17 Now Unto The King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honor and glory for ever and ever

          Without full and complete knowledge of who Jesus Christ is then he will remain but a buffet. But an OPTION. And we become collectors of bits and pieces of him instead of harvesters of all He has in store for His Children. You don't come to the full knowledge of God without the Spirit 1st Corinthians 2:11 It is only a person's spirit that knows all about him; in the same way only God's spirit knows all about God. An understanding of our God exposes you to His true nature and once you get this understanding then you will know His true and perfect will. So even when His will does not seem to suit your desires, right there in that moment you will know IT IS STILL GOOD.

          To come to this place where we understand our God, requires dying to self.Luke 9:23 And He said to them all, "If anyone wants to come with me, he must forget self, take up his cross everyday and follow me." It is only a full immersion into the Spirit of God and a sincere cultivated relationship that shows you God's heart and in this, you must decrease that He should increase. Don't grace church for an hour or two on Sunday and leave open the rest of the week and expect to be revealed to the treasures hidden in secret places(Isaiah 45:3) 'I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name....It will take Jeremiah 33:3 to unlock that 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things that you don't know about.' You will actually need to do your part and Call unto the Lord. Why I'm i saying this? 1st Corinthians 2:14...'Whoever does not have the Spirit cannot receive the gifts that come from God's spirit.'  

          We don't really need to limit ourselves to the nature of God by shopping for the attributes and parts of scripture that favor our circumstances in His kingdom. By virtue of Jesus Christ, we have all these things and so much more. Let me give a corny example; When I get married in future (hey boo thang 😉😉*wink*), I will take up my husband's last name and everything His will become mine. I will be getting married to his good side, his weakness, his bad habits. Its the same way with Jesus Christ. We are His bride, By default we are joint heirs with Him in the Kingdom of God (Romans 8:17) We will possess with Christ what God has kept for Him and He has taken us with every fault in us (Ephesians 5:26&27) Christ loved the church and gave himself for it to dedicate it to God after making it clean and washing it in water. In order to present the church to Himself in all its beauty-pure and faultless, without spot, wrinkle or imperfection...He has fully accepted us as we are and all He wants is our hearts to be completely dependent on Him for Every single thing; (Proverbs 3:5-6)Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight. (John 15:5) I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 
           It's a bad thing when a wife only goes to the husband when she's in need of money because then she reduces her husband to an ATM Machine😒. This means there is really no other basis she interacts with her husband. Don't we reduce God to that sometimes? Some guy in the sky who's got all these stuff we want and His work is to drop them like it's hot when we shed some few tears😒. Here's the thing ....God wants full custody over you honey and not just weekend visits where you remind him of what he must do and by what time. He wants to take you out on Monday, On Tuesday....all the way to Sunday💕. And it ain't going to be no walk in the park....there will be tears and hard lessons but that is how we learn, get refined and that is how He trusts us with bigger things, assignments, people, situations and His Kingdom because then we will be tested by fire.

          Imagine how He feels when we've been living wrong and we carry forward that pretense to His presence thinking He doesn't see through our hearts😒. The funny thing with us is that we are willing to go through so much dirt in our relationships with other people because we want to prove that love conquers all things👀. Just ask a woman in love with a bad boy🙊. But cultivating our relationship with God becomes so hard. Why? It's as simple as we just don't feel like it...UNTIL we actually need His help...then we'll do some technical appearances in church, open the bible to prove a point to Him, help the needy we pass by everyday to justify why we deserve blessings, throw in some loud prayers here and there, Whatsapp and Facebook share some bible verses and change our profile pictures to Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen quotes...mostly on Providence (For the record, I love those quotes. You should see my gallery) and download a few good gospel songs😒😒😞

          2017 is coming up. God knows how much I love you for always taking the time to drop around here. It's an honor and privilege to share my Jesus with you. It is so heavy in my heart to share that, Jesus wants more of Us...Me and You. More willingness, more love, more readiness, more sincerity. His birth and death is a proof that He withheld absolutely nothing so the question is what more of Him do we want? In real sense He now wants More of Us after the scandalous sacrifice of Himself for us. He does not want to be the dusty book you pull out from the shelf when you're bored. He wants EVERYTHING in you. All year long. Choose Christ, Continue Choosing Him even when it makes no sense. Even when you have no song, Praise on. Even when the fight is won, Praise on. Don't ever stop.You and I were wrapped up in Scarlet Kindness on that cross FOR A RELATIONSHIP NOT A SITUATIONSHIP. .Ernest Wamboye would at this point say, The Bible is daily bread and Not Cake for special occasions.
Merry Christmas Darling and I wish you and yours👪 A 2017 with a complete 360 degree experience of God's goodness, Love and Everything because His children have the privilege of Everything. Kindly listen to this song Prince Of Peace--Of Dirt And Grace by Hillsong United
Be bold. Be dauntless. Be you.

Keep smiling. You matter to Jesus and to me.

Monday, 5 September 2016

Set-All-In Instead of Settling!

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold      
Someone to give me the jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we're old
Sometimes I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close be my Man
I will love you till the end.
    Lyrics from Dear No-one by Tori Kelly.
           I am not the type that fills my playlist with love songs because it will make me go from being on top of the world lip-syncing to moody to texting my favorite ex to crying when I start over-thinking why I'm single PLUS I Love the taste and sound of praise and worship on my lips all the time. But You know when a song has so much depth and nakedness of truth such that it hurts and at the same time it's pleasurable? You wanna cry and laugh at the same darn time. Oxymoron, I know. So, this girl Tori Kelly whom I love just had me feeling some typa way with this song. That itch to have the soulmate around, talking drowning depths of the future with 3 kids in it...My Emerald,My Ruby and My Milan( NB!! Don't steal my baby names lol and yes I have already named them 10 years before I See them); a home in the suburbs, a get-away cottage in the highlands perfect for hoodies, bonfires, hot chocolate, crisp cool air, a guitar and acoustics in the wild. Not the soap-opera shenanigans or Rom-com make belief of a perfect get-away to the Maldives or Hawaii on film budgets with software edited slow motion happy moments. The raw, authentic, low budget, local, technology-free imperfect type is what my old soul longs for....Happiness dependent on dry humor, inside jokes, beautiful weirdness, small victories and less dependent on the price tag.

          I have met (still meeting) many guys in the past few years. I've seen the hotcake who thinks we should all bow down as his minions, the Facebook timeline christian with a double life, the career oriented selfish one, the weird not-so intelligent one, the church going preaching water drinking wine one, Mr. Luke-warm, the successful Satanist(Yes I mean the real Satan...Voodoo weirdo), the Oh so boring small talk type(I just can't with this one), the manly insecure one, the egotistical know-it all, Mr.Nice guy and a lot who fall into the tribe of Strange. The truth? I've dated some of these people and I got it wrong 99.9% of the time which leaves a margin of 0.1% for the one that got away. I have found myself settling for less than I deserve simply because I felt something that was disguised as love but produced as infatuation, cheap thrills and lust. I once dated this strange human who told me at the verge of breaking up that nobody would ever love me because I wasn't pretty enough!?(Joke's on him now) Sometimes I look back at my foolishness and wonder why I gave bits and pieces of my heart to complete jerks...When girls say they love the bad boys, they don't mean that...They just love the euphoria  of having a man who treats them like crap and isn't afraid to show it;It looks manly and devoid of weakness which is sheer foolishness...For some reason it's attractive ONLY when you don't know who and whose you are! Decent guys have the last laugh.

          I'm about to go 100% out of chill pills and get blunt. How many times do we end up with broken hearts out of our own choosing? We settle for the cutest thing that walked into church...I mean,If they made it to church they must have some form of godliness, right?! We carnally go for the goods we see which make us believe they are good people with their good faces and forget that Good without God is pretty darn useless. We hardly take time to uncover the hidden beauty and ugliness of whomever we are attracted to. As long as there is a mention of Jesus on their Facebook and Instagram timelines then they are definitely the perfect match. This is not coming from a Saint but a girl who falls short of the glory sometimes...A perfectly imperfect Christian who needs Jesus at the tick of every NANOSECOND because she knows how hard it is to keep it together and color inside the lines.

          And as I started this post with those words from Dear No-One....I desire so badly sometimes to have someone to paint a black canvas with and this desire has led me to fall, overlook and settle for less. My ideal man is not one who walked out of a movie set with toned abs and a perfect beard...I Do have a list yes but the most important thing for me is for him to be totally sold out to Christ, a pursuer of God's heart with fruit to show for it...I can't compromise that BUT in the recent past it was okay for me to just see a bible on his table, to know he goes to church, to see that he prayed for food, Sung in choir and to hear him mention Jesus once in a while. Guess what? It was never enough! I broke up with these guys anyway! It never is enough to go for what you see and hear about people. Settling for the glitter un-afraid that glitter is easily blown by the wind. Settling for the one with the lightest skin because she gives you a status And makes for popular social media. Settling for the guy with the car un-afraid that it is a liability more so if it was bought on loan. Settling for the big bum and apple shaped chest un-afraid that that these days it can be bought and taken off at night. Settling without a standard. The minute you settle for less than you deserve you get even less than you settled for.

          Jesus! Just that name has made me want to Set-All-In Him. Set all my cares, desires and loneliness to Him who's perfect and enough. Colossians 3:1&2  Says that we've been raised to life with Christ therefore we should SET our hearts and minds on things that are in heaven and not on things here on earth.
Don't lose sight of who you are in Christ and all He has in store for you because of your thirst for a Bae! The truth? So many of us are so stuck on our relentless pursuit to be someones bride/b-groom instead of SETTING AND FIXING our hearts on being the bride of Christ! Jesus is the destination honey and if what you've settled for takes you away from this purpose, it's not worth it. Refuse to be the double standard christian who's in church on Sunday and in bed with the boy/girlfriend on Wednesday. The truth? It ain't easy to not conform to the patterns of this world;We are all weak in our flesh but Galatians 2:20 says that we've been crucified with Christ so It is no longer Us who live but Christ in Us and the life we now live in flesh, we live by faith in Jesus who loved us and gave himself for us. Get close to God first before getting close to anyone else because God without a man is still God but man without God is nothing.
                    The truth? The devil is not sitting down on a couch with crossed legs sipping tea having a field day watching young people be successful at waiting on God! He is so at work attacking the body of Christ. And He ain't dressed in a red cap and horns...Oh no!He'll bring along the girl or guy of your dreams sugar-coated with everything on your list which will make you settle for them without thinking twice of double checking if they Living Out Jesus or using Him as a cover-up to get to you.
Once you SET YOUR ALL in Jesus, His perfection will shield your weakness; His strength becomes your own. Let's not settle because we are tired of waiting. Until we fully understand how much Jesus loves us,we will always settle for less of a life than he sacrificed so much for. I'm not writing this because I have I have come up with this formula that makes me sub-human...NO!I Just know Jesus. Jesus is all I know and all I'm praying to have for eternity. Jesus makes forever make sense...Something No man can do.

Remember the song I started with? Here's how it ends
I'd love to have a soulmate
And God will give him to me someday
And I know he'll be worth the wait 
When the time is right you will be here

Dear Soulmate, I may want you here and now but I am still a huge work in progress. When the time is right, God will introduce us but until then May Jesus help us to Set All in Him and not to settle for what we see in the world.

Dear wonderful person reading this, Thank you for stopping by. I love you but Jesus is way crazy about you. Set All in Him...He's the real deal.
Keep smiling. You matter to Jesus and me!
Be bold. Be Dauntless. Be you.

Tuesday, 16 August 2016

Will these Dead Dry bones Come to life?

You might want to borrow some chills from the cool folk before reading this first paragraph(It's just a heads up yoh)

What if God told you to go to a cemetery and speak to the graves there and call the decayed bones to Life?(Don't shoot me with emoji guns just yet; I'm going somewhere with this)
I dunno about you but me...I'd first laugh sarcastically(that evil laugh) then cry then cry more and beg Him to change the assignment. I mean seriously...Who wants to see a zombie apocalypse and renaissance erupt and act totally cool with it?!You know those films Holywood shamelessly lies to us about? Inter alia Z Nation, The Walking Dead, iZombie and The Strain...Imagine those coming in 3D in real life!No Thank you!Father Send me to the Lions instead like Daniel which is also alittle freaky....bleh!I coulda done it!(*cue in Obama's Yes I Can slogan*) I mean...they just little lions without teeth,right dad? 
God: No they are real mighty teethed lions child!
Me: *crying*
God: But you know I'll show up. I got you.
Me: *stops crying* Aaaaaw! *Group hug*

          God must have had a sense of humor when He sent Prophet Ezekiel to the valley of dry bones. But you know what? He knew Ezekiel could do it! Yaay for Ezzy!(I just want to call him Ezzy honestly, sounds hip if he was in this generation...Prophet Ezzy yoh) Lemme break it down for you if you don't know this cool story(Ezekiel 37). Abba through His Spirit sent Ezzy to a valley covered with bones and asked him to prophesy into them and command breath from the wind to the bones. So dauntless Ezzy (this guy was the bomb yoh) obeyed and voila! What was dead came to life and that's not even the juicy part of the narrative....The bones were enough to form an army! Hallelujah! Nobody can tell me that God isn't the coolest or the most amazing coz' I can't get over the wondrous splendor of amazing stories like this(beats whatever shenanigans holywood cooks up).

          So I've been trusting God with something for more than ten years now which means from when I was like 11 years old (don't stress over doing the math...I'm only 21 now which means I've been sweet 16 for 5 times now...I Need an Oscar!). I've graduated from primary to high school to varsity...Literally become a woman!It hasn't changed nor improved. It's been stagnant.Nada results. If anything, It's worse than when I was 11. It pains me, brings me hurt, dulls my day, defeats me. I'm even tearing up thinking about it right now writing this (Don't worry I didn't cry). Does that mean that God is not good and He rejoices in my affliction? Nope! Did I give up? Yes, countless times. When was the last time I felt like giving up? Last night. Did I blame God? How could I not? Dry bones!Huh!I know those too well and so do you darling. The dead things in life;dead dreams and hopes. We identify with this valley of dead bones because we have dead circumstances like this.
Here's what the reality of my prayer looks like sometimes; 
Dear Lord, I know you're good but this don't feel good. I don't want to think that I may never understand how my broken heart is a part of your plan for my life. Somehow I still ended up in this deep dark place with no light. It's hard to count it all joy, distracted by the noise in my head, trying to make sense of all your promises. Will this glass house break? I'm loosening my grasp. I need this miracle so bad.
Have you had different versions of that prayer too? Stuck in the valley of dry bones huh? All Dried up and hopeless?


          Sometimes, I have so many questions as to why My Father in heaven would allow this suffering to continue for such a long time. Sometimes I fail to see the bigger picture which is to share eternity with Jesus. How about yu? Ever feel like when He says He'll come at the right time, it actually looks like a couple of forevers? But Here's the beautiful thing He is the God of the resurrection of dry bones; The God whose breath alone brings dead and inanimate things back to life. The God of an army out of the ashes; The God of Ezekiel is yours and my God...He is not any different and the centuries haven't changed or decreased His power. HE IS THE SAME GOD!

          I don't know when this will come to an end, I'm only human; I've lost my control over it but I have gained my freedom knowing He will raise my bones to life someday. He is my revival. When this God speaks, great things come to life; When He sighs, the wind (that brought life to the dead bones) becomes a sonnet. 
Notice how systematically the bones begun to join together(Ezekiel 37:8); the tendons and muscles covered the bones first and then the breath last. They did not just rise and become an army! (that woulda scared the life out of poor Ezzy)What does that translate into? That God is a God of order;of Process before promise. Honestly, through the years, my situation has made me wiser, stronger and has taught me the oh so hard meaning of Surrender. If it was any different, I'd be a very spoiled brat right now! I may want to see the end of this so badly but I know my journey there has made me the woman I am right now.
          Dearest, DON'T COVER UP YOUR DRY BONES! Not with excuses, not despair, nor cold feet, nor other people's opinions and worst of all Not with your laziness. Oh yes!I just said laziness!Because laziness to look up God's word makes us ignorant and ignorance makes us stranded in the Valley surrounded with dead bones. God wants us to step into the valley Un-afraid! Un-afraid to Speak dead things to Life. And Un-Afraid comes with speaking the word of God into your situations. And you cannot speak that which you know nothing about! The Almighty God is in you like He was in Ezzy! 

          You may also feel all dried up and worthless and lost in your sin but God can restore you back to life through His spirit and His word. There is hope! There is nothing too hard for God....You see the God that parted oceans to make a highway, dropped manna from heaven, showed up in form of a burning bush, muted the mouth of lions for Daniel and most beautifully raised His son from the dead...Honey, that's your God too and He notices you in a crowd of 10,000; He never misses a thing and He will bring new life to your dry bones.

Dear Lord,
We know you see us and our dry bones but out of these ashes may your army rise. May we feel you coming and hear your voice in the wind. Whatever is barren, may it bring forth offspring. Let it be love and patience that teach us to wait on you. However further we get away from the shores of our idea of safety into the ocean of trusting you, the faith that you've given us will sail us through. Whatever comes, We are content knowing that you are the God that brought dead decayed dried up bones to life So WE CALL OUT TO OUR DRY BONES TO COME ALIVE and we step into the valley UN-AFRAID. 
Yours, Your Sons and Daughters.

          Sometimes inspiration looks like a creatively crafted and woven tapestry that is so attractive And it helps for a moment and the next you are back to the ditch you were in AND My honest prayer is that you see Jesus between all my words and lines; beyond my stories, sarcasm and possibly dry humor, MAY YOU SEE AND FIND JESUS! HE REMAINS THE REASON! I love you for being here to read this. You can come back as many times as your time and internet connection allows. We gon' conquer this battles together, huh? I'm with you but most amazingly God is always with you. He loves you more than I ever will.
Keep smiling. You matter to Jesus and to me!
Be bold. Be Dauntless. Be you.

Sunday, 17 July 2016

Depressed to Deeper-Rest

          A conversation with myself in my period of wilderness some months ago...(Between my head and heart...Me Gaceri from Massachussets *wink*)
Head: Yoh G! Get a life, will yah?! How long will you hold on like this?
Heart: Sweetheart, don't give up just yet! Abba(God) keeps His promises.
Stupid Head: It will do you lots of good and save you buckets of tears if you stop whining like a baby and grow up! Where is this God now when you need Him the most? Huh?!
Sweet Heart: Baby girl, sweet cute cuppy cake...Your miracle is around the corner. Just a little more patience. He's faithful.
Very Stupid Head: C'mon wake up and smell the darn coffee! Why hasn't God shown up?
Very Sweet Heart: Darling, just a little bit longer.... 

           I have the weirdest monologues I tell you. Growing up alone made me a serious nutcase. Describe me as an old soul but with the heart and voice of a child. I could even talk to a tree and when the wind moves its leaves then I know that the tree spoke to me! How cool(or rather seriously mental)! If it doesn't then it's probably giving me the silent treatment which I relate to as a female so I understand and move on to the girl in the mirror and give her lectures about her life; boys top that list!?(I know you're thinking I'm a crazy black woman) You see how twisted I can be? But whatevs...normal people suck anyway! Weird is absolutely healthy! Don't tell on me but I've named my laptop Emerald and my phone Gifta so that when they bring head with hanging 'manenos' then I can call them by their names and show my disappointment(I know they are machines but they are my babies too...Oh my Goodness!I am actually crazy). Before you roll your eyes at my alien uncouth behavior, let's get down to the business of the Lord!

          Sabbaticals! Sigh! We all need sometime off to re-think, re-discover and chart new paths for the the voyage that is life. A renaissance of sorts. I want to really justify 3months absence from writing but my topic head sells it away! Sheesh! My creative genes are probably hidden under all this fat I've acquired from stress eating. Still, it was a sabbatical and oh yes! I'm so back and this blog that you take time to read is a way of sharing Jesus with you and remind each other that we are the cool ones...we that love Jesus and are not ashamed of Him. We may not be perfect but He loves us still...flaws and edges...dirty pasts and crazy personalities...Jesus is for us; The Good kind of misfits.

          So what happens when you are the person that gives hope and yet you are the one in need of it most? When you literally hit rock bottom and you sink and you lose sight of the shore? When Up is really upside down.The sun ain't rising in your own little world but man it looks brighter in someone else's backyard, it's even burning them;the brightness of it is enough to take you back to your house because you can't take the intensity. Hope, a mirage. Happiness, a myth. Smiles, that's history to you. It's not your fault but the voices in your head hit hard like a wrecking ball screaming...''If you did this then that wouldn't happen....if only you were smarter, more daunting, hotter, more skilled, richer, handsome, networked''....So is the reality of life. The enemy magnifies our weaknesses and invents faults we have not and puts them in our brains on replay so that we can remain miserable and give up on God.

          I googled signs of depression in the last four months and honey I qualified the test. It was so bad such that my amazing mother who's a counseling psychologist told me that she couldn't handle me because she wouldn't know how to help her daughter without getting all mushy and emotional but she'd get me help. I understood her because I too didn't want help. I was comfortable in my misery; failed dreams, career epic fails, another failed relationship, freakazoid exes, strained friendships, repetitive sins, crazy addictions....Weirdly, I found bliss where I pitched my pity-party tent. It was okay to just grow fat as a potato couch and blame God for all this! My laziness did not allow me to make any effort to even pray. I felt defeated.

          Let's get blunt now, aye darling? The problem is not that we have problems; it's that we get comfortable in them. Maybe the implicit bias in your head is...but don't people run to God when they have issues? Typical human behavior depicts that we humans do that but we use other people to get to God....the more serious ones in prayer, the pastor, Sister Grace and Brother Joseph with the Holy demeanor and pray the loudest...the ones whom God would hear faster. The true soldiers. Why? Because we feel the need and ease to pass on our prayer items to them. If we chose to trust God fully with our issues then we know He requires total patience, tolerance and long suffering which we are not suited for because our systems demand instant gratification so in the end we push God away and try to fix things our way by forcing blessings into being WHILE still asking the intercessors...''hey! I hope you are still praying for my problems to go away!''
Don't get me wrong, I concur with Paul in the epistles that we should be in fellowship with people and pray for each other; that is not debatable but the attitude that...''Ah! As long as they are praying then I don't have to!'' is the virus.
This was a tough lesson for me one night when I chose to just sit in the Lord's presence and cry. At 3am sobbing like a two year old wondering why I'm listening to Britt Nicole's, you are the God you say you are. God is not a respecter of persons and trust me even the strongest Christians go through hard times; it's life to have some really rough patches and unfortunately I realized that at that moment in my life, I was the seed that fell on rocky ground- Matthew 13:5

          I finally kept quiet that night and reached for my bible that was on the table and guess where i landed?! Job 33:13-14...why do you accuse God of never answering a man's complaints? Although God speaks again and again, no one pays attention to what He says...
This time I shut up foreal yoh 'coz I knew the King had just dropped one on me man! I was hoping for a Jeremiah 29;11 kind of landing BUT I got one that pricked my little pity bubble. I wasn't listening enough to Him because I was lost in my own labyrinth...a cauldron of nagging. I needed to listen more and speak less. Read more of his word and trust less the words of my well wishers. I listened and boy did I hear his voice! In one hour, I was crazy dancing to all of kelele takatifu's songs(Gawsh! they are so freaking amazing...nmeokoka na inanibamba mbaya). No, my problems didn't go away the next day darling or the next but I had listened and He told me...Rest, I got this child!

          This post is not meant to give you a genie-in-the-bottle solution to your 99 problems( coz Jesus ain't one) but it's from a sister to you to ask you to stop and listen to your Father! You find rest in surrender. Stop complaining about what's not right in your life and give thanks for that which is functioning! Get on your knees and seek God's heart before you do His Hands. Rest does not come with riding on sunshine with a life devoid of problems. Its not the calm picture of a still river; neither is it having every dream come true. Rest is indestructible peace-John 14:27, one with the attitude of you know who formed you and you are okay with His plan for your life. 

          Do you seek deeper-rest from your depressed condition? Open and read your bible honey! That is How He speaks to you. Invite the Holy-spirit in your life and see how He'll revolutionize your whole mindset.Dig deep and lean not on your own understanding for it will fail you! You may be Lil Mr.Einstein but not even the highest IQ can equate to the kind of wisdom and knowledge the bible pours into you. Invest in it with a holy desperation, time, zeal and passion  and you'll see that when The oceans rise and thunder fall, your heart will be still and know that He is God! Don't allow yourself to forget that Your Father is King of the world.
When I began to listen more, my situations started to change and when He says He's working it for your good then believe it because God is not a man that He should lie. In the end, it will all work out so Rest Darling And Hit that floor to pray!
I Love you for being here to read this. God is way crazy about you and He wants you to transition from depression to deeper-rest and all you have to do is Listen. Mad Love for yah! Stay cool yoh!
Keep smiling. You matter to Jesus and to me!
Be bold. Be Dauntless. Be you.

Saturday, 12 March 2016

Beautiful and Un-Ashamed

     ''Aaaih Shallom,Acha kujifanya venye wewe ni Christian!?''(Shallom please stop pretending how much of a christian you are!)
   ''So you like a blogger now?'' ....ME:''Yes I Am''...''What do you blog about?''....ME:''Jesus''....''Haiyaa acha uongo...Weuwee!Hukai aki!'' (Stop lying,you don't look like doing that)
   ''Heeeh Shallom naskia you write about unidropie ka-line hivi ka inspiration ka kuniencourage ndio niamini!'' (Drop me a christian line so that I can believe you)
   ''Waah to be completely honest,I don't have any hot chicks in my phone book who are born again!''
   ''You are too preety for a church girl!''

           Yes honey!My first name is Shallom which i love for it means Peace.I However stopped popularising it when peeps would call me Shallom Jerusalem!(like...ile Shallom ya Bible? Oh Shallom Brethren) Shallie is just a fancy thing someone decided to call me and Njeri Gichuki makes me feel like a grown up so I use it and Beatrice is also my second English name and its mostly used when I want people to think I was born somewhere in when someone new with an accent is like,''What's your name?''....And I'm like...''Shallom Beatrice''...When they proceed to ask...''Are you Kenyan?''...then I know mission accomplished(wameingia box). Lol,don't give me that stare! I Am very patriotic and so in love with everything that is Kenyan!I only saw Massachusetts in geography class..on that big round world blue ball thingie that always stayed in the staffroom...I Guess I'm getting out of topic....pssst....Free world!
          When I was growing up,I never smiled often because my teeth were crooked.I always had social anxiety and so when i told peeps I'm born-again...they'd say...''Unakaa tu''(you just look like...haha that sounds like direct translation)...I remember a day when a friend was taking pictures and he told everyone to smile and Immediately said sorry to me because he thought it offensive to ask me to smile.In High school,I wore these baggy long skirts because there was a certain way 'us C.U people' had to look.In short,my whole life I always believed that because I'm Christian then I should not even think of nice cute things like lace or lipstick.Long story short...growing up did do me lots of Good,I practised smiling in the mirror(it helped me build my confidence in public) but darling not without God constantly saying to me that ''Yes baby girl,you are Beautiful''...When I Started to believe it,It really did get to me but careful not to let pride get in the way-Ezekiel 28:17-18.Trust me,an encounter with God cannot leave you the same because it changes you from the inside out.You start to reflect His beauty,His peace,His magnificence.

          So I have been told all the above!(First paragraph)It's not something I heard somewhere.Can you be too fly to be born again?...too hot to even speak of Jesus?...too preety to proclaim that you love Jesus? Before I write this and you read it...I want you to know that I Am basing beauty from Psalms 139:14-I WILL PRAISE YOU BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN WONDERFULLY AND REMARKABLY MADE.YOUR WORKS ARE WONDERFUL AND I KNOW THIS VERY WELL(Holman Christian Bible)...I am not declaring beautiful because a cute guy somewhere said it,a group of idlers chanted it,a girl liked my hair,a facebook picture got so many likes,or an over-burdened with life rich and smelling of old age Man weirdly winked at me with wrinkled eyes. I DECLARE it because My God;My Creator said It! 

          This is a personal article because I Am tired of stereotypes.Are born again christians supposed to be Uglier than lucifer? (That thing is as ugly as the hell it lives in)Wear pleated haleluyah long sweeping dresses and skirts? Have these faces whose only gospel they know is that of Vaseline and mafuta ya ng'ombe? Should they be very fat because if they had abs and biceps then it is not godly?Are the girls supposed to have no hair and if they do it ought to be hard like those stones grandma uses for her feet?(gakumutha) Someone please tell me whether wearing heels and putting on that red classic red shade of lipstick makes you too cool for church? If I put on make up then
honey I am not supposed to cry out in church when worshipping because it's embarrassing to the one I came with!If I Am born again then I'm supposed to just be really miserable,sad and lonely and always waiting on the Lord for a miracle?!Who freaking  made this book of preposterous rules?!

         To be A Beautiful/Handsome young born again Christian?What in the freak is that?....In today's world,This means you are the original freakazoid!If you thought Edward Scizzorhands and Frankeistein were weirdos then you haven't seen the attractive church going christians! I mean are you crazy or just plain stupid to waste all that in church? C'mon,do you even know where your face, your figure,your sweet smile and charm can take you? Dude,don't you realize that you can get laid every darn night without even trying? You are clearly just tripping thinking all those church peeps and Jesus will give you the world while you got a world that adores your behind before your brains,your profile picture before your personality and your face before your faith.

         The God in Me is greater than He that's in the world.The God in me has called me to be Beautiful for Him.The God in me Has set his mark of greatness on me.He has made me a riddle wrapped up in an mysterious in my womanhood that before a man decodes me..He must first Know Him that coded my heart,my face and everything in me.Such a burning flame and wave of light and sparkle that nobody can put out.He gives me wisdom to adorn like a royal gown and when I start to speak of Him,they look at me with a wonder in their eyes.Such a beautiful mess but blessed nonetheless...For All these, I AM UN-ASHAMED OF JESUS.
 UN-ASHAMED that A king in all His glory took my wretched place at the cross:He took the pain,the saliva spits,the insults,the beating,the blame for the likes of me.UN-ASHAMED that it is Him I Love to write and talk about. UN-ASHAMED that Jesus is the reason I dress up and show up because HE IS THE REASON! UN-ASHAMED to be a carrier of  your fragrance Jesus for others to savor and smell for you have made my steps confident.

          Darling!Break the stereotype!You have nothing to be ashamed of if you are Team Jesus.Yes,He has made us beautiful like Him but please don't rate this splendor by what Instagram is showing you or face book is telling you.It is so much more than feeding off cheap and sleezy hype from people that just want a piece of you.Let us rise up and be the remnants of God's goodness and use what we have for His glory.

If nobody told you that you look good then open that bible you reserve for sunday mid-morning and look up what God says about you. But beyond the face,beyond the make-up,beyond your toned abs,beyond your expensive garments....Let it be Jesus! And be so beautifully un-ashamed about it! Declare it,talk about it,post about it even if they won't like it...Live it,sing it,be it.Oh yes!It is allowed to show up as a christian looking like million dollar bills or like something out of a movie but don't show up all ratchet and trashy in the name of ''only God can judge me!'' Stay classy God's way.
Honey,you ain't too cute to pray;Dude,you will never be too dope to worship.You are not too pretty little miss to not got to church.
Feel beautiful,be beautiful and act Beautiful -GOD'S WAY- for our God is full of Beauty.Isaiah 28:5.
Be Bold.Be Dauntless.Be You. 
Keep Smiling.You matter.