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No to the return of The Toxic Ex-lover!

              Pick up lines💭 Sigh! Boy oh boy!😃  I'm I the only one who receives very corny pick up lines? Like super corny I get hungry just thinking about it (see what I did there?😉) Once, a guy told me he thought I was so pretty I could make water come out of fossils👷. My oh wamae! Who even says that? 😒Can fossils and pretty co-exist in the same sentence, get married and live happily ever after? 💑❔The last time I heard about fossils was in History class when I was cramming that topic of Zinjanthropus and homo rhodensiensis (I'm not even sure that is academically correct but it makes me look like I earned that A in History KCSE👀...Heey Mr.Maido👋👋). Then someone reminds me of that horror experience through a pick up line? 😠There's another breed of homo sapiens sapiens(sorry I just had to do that😂😃) that somehow forgets most of the alphabets so their typical pick up line looks something like this (good luck decoding it)...''U R xo Dem kyute Jry. Luv ua buriful emeral eyez mxupa. Tel mi r u tken gyal? Az in du yu hve sme1?'' 😭😭 (unfortunately, these blogger emojis don't include a policeman to arrest that language offender so we just stare👀.....there you go💃 Wait...I found Him👮)

          My worst pick up line will have to be..."You look familiar. Have I seen you somewhere?"😕 Jeez! I've had about enough with this one. Some people seem to have known me from somewhere I know nothing about😣. I'm not even that well traveled and someone will tell me they saw me somewhere in syokimau😓. Where I come from, it's something like this... "Wewe si Mary wa akina Maiko wa kiamaiko?" 😩(Are you not Mary, Michael's relative from Kiamaiko?) Then proceeds with..."Basi nimekuconfuse. Pole sana. Si unaezanipea number basi tujuane? Maybe mko related na huyo Maiko na haujui." 😦(Maybe, I confused you with someone else. Can you give me your number? maybe you're related to Michael and you don't know) At this point of the conversation, I'm just thinking about honey glazed chicken because clearly I'm not Mary...Shalom and Mary don't even like each other as names. The worst part is this..."Uko sure haunijui? Haunikumbuki mresh?" (Are you sure you don't remember me?)  Bruuh!😭😦Just have some of the chicken I'm having in my head right now and take a chill pill because we don't know each other from Adam😒...not even from Donald Trump(I dunno why I just said that😐😯). How far will a brother go to get a number though?😝😮

             Then, There's another batch that is my focus today (I got so many stories...Yikes woman!😮). The type that texts you something like this or something close👌...''Hey beautiful/hottie/hunk. Nice Profile picture. Are you around we hang out?''😉 ''Hey babe, you look haaat in those jeans🔥. I wanna call the firemen to extinguish the fire🌊. Can we hook up sometime?🙋 It's been long since I saw you.😍"  This one is not a stranger. This one you've got history with.You've probably not saved their contact but you know the number too well for your own good😄. The message comes in like one year later after you guys ended things and now you're looking all fly and somehow the lighting was proper in that picture, your smile is just right..not too wide..not smirky...just cute enough to confuse a brother/sister🙌.

           It's been a while and you've been single and lonely and you need you a boo since everybody else got one and well, there are no prospects of anyone asking you out or accepting to go out with you(Do we cry or laugh here? Both i guess😂😭). So you start thinking...''Is this you Jesus? 😍I knew you wanted this man/girl for me that's why you brought him/her back!"😎 "Maybe my standards were too high the last time"😧 "Maybe they've changed"😮 "Maybe they'll commit this time"😔 "Maybe I was wrong about this person"😐 ''It's true what they say after all, that if you lost someone and they come back to you then they are yours to keep"💑....blah blah blah😒(I need an ice cream break here🍨No judging👀). And you reply back and they fill you with sweet empty nothings coated in honey. Y'all talk about your lives and you start to soften up and before you know it you pick up from where you left. It is here where you misuse emojis you don't even need😆😝(Btw, how cool are the new whatsapp emojis? Sorry, I know I may need help💁) Because you've known this person before, there's no need to go through why you left him/her. Before long, you go back to the same rut you were in together dealing with the same things and having the same fights and you break up again because nothing changed, just the couple of smooth words that got you back together.  Some of us have gone through hell in the form of name calling, abuse and cheating from our partners but have still taken them back in the name of love. Know anyone?👀

 So what's the basic truth about toxic Relationships?
            ⇉They drain the life and energy out of you
           We often give toxic people the right and power to hurt us so badly and when they do we make excuses for them. We justify there misconduct yet they are driving us crazy. They feel entitled to us since we keep giving them the power each time they come back to us. Often, y'all will be talking about his/her dreams and never your own. It's about how they feel and your opinion is not needed in the conversations. 

           I once dated someone who gave me sleepless nights and not because of love but because He treated me like an option. So I was up all night wondering if he truly loved me or not and why his actions didn't prove anything and why he never said clear things to me. I remember once I had traveled all the way from Mombasa to Nairobi to meet Him since we had scheduled a date after months of not talking to each other so when I got to town I called him and he bluntly told me he had gotten more important things to do earlier and that it was my fault since I hadn't seen his whatsapp message to notify me he wouldn't make it. Right there at archives, I wanted to just sit down and cry my eyes out after all that sacrifice. But I had taken him back knowing that he was the kind of person whose words did not match his actions. He had stood me up many times before and I thought this grand sacrifice would be the charm so why was I surprised?  And also, there was no message to notify me of anything.

Breaking free is hard sometimes but it's necessary. Here's what I learned

1. God is not the author of confusion but of peace and sound mind.
1 Corinthians 14:33 For God is not the author of confusion but of peace.
            Everything that God made was in order all the way from creation and his plans are always as he ordained even before creation. He is not behind your ex's indecision to commit to you. He is not in support of anyone playing with your heart because they won't commit. His message is clear as day and so are the things from him. We're not existing by chance but through the direct intention of the creator and that should also be reflected in our relationships. God doesn't build something and then goes back to himself and retract.

              God is too big for error and everything He makes is good.. If someone loves you then they will be intentional about you because they are looking into loving you like Christ loves the church. They don't have time to take you round in circles because they're busy loving you in obedience to Jesus. Refuse to make time for someone whose actions and words lead you into questioning who you are...especially who you are as a christian. God made us so simple but we complicate ourselves. We should never have to get to the place where we're wondering whether to fight for the relationship in the face of sin, sleepless nights, abuse or emotional fatigue. Why would a loving Heavenly loving father take you through all that with a person with whom He purposely designed for you? When chaos makes home in your heart, you will lose your identity and settle for less.

2. Not everything is joined of God
Mark 10:9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
This is one of the most powerful verses I know but human beings are in the business of misusing it to fit their preferences. Honey, We join relationships and force them into existence and then fix God in there to bless them. He is not the genesis, we are... so if He Doesn't join it He is under no obligation to keep it together. Then we get mad when he tries to break us off or when He doesn't seem to blessing our relationships. We did not go to Him to ask Him if It was his will because we knew His will already from all the previous experiences and we don't like it so we just pretend we don't know it. 

See the guy I was telling you about, God had told me right from the start that He wasn't it but hey I was lonely and He was cute and through out the 'relationship' I was given so many pointers and warnings but I did not listen until I got to the end of myself. God will not bless our sin because most of the time sin binds us to these people...Carnality keeps us there. There's something about them that does not agree with God but we don't mind. God is not to be mocked therefore we cannot blame Him for some of the dysfunction in our lives that is a result of our rebellion towards His will. You cannot cover up sin and present it before God for Him to bless. Whatever God joins, He will keep together because He is a covenant keeper.

3. Going back to what God has saved you from, will only make you more miserable.
1 Peter 1:14 Be Obedient to God and do not allow your lives to be shaped by those desires you had while you were still ignorant.
              Baby, Don't go back to the same pits God picked you up from. Don't take back the same people that led you to sin and made you feel miserable about yourself. It's not worth the tears and the effort. If you're aware of the dangers and misery of going back to Egypt, you will praise the Lord in the wilderness because you've seen God make a highway in the ocean for you. But ignorance is bliss and ignorant is who we were before Christ. True obedience to His voice will convict us of sin and make us more conscious of our not going back to Egypt. Not selective obedience but total obedience. Our lives cannot be shaped by misery. We must not agree to it when we serve A living Powerful God who changes our rejection into re-direction. I've been rejected before and because I wanted to prove something to myself, I Kept going back where I wasn't wanted or needed and this only brought pain. Canaan is a beautiful land but we will not get there if we keep thinking about the little false benefits of Egypt.

4. Jesus came that you should have life and have it in abundance.
John 10:10 The thief  comes only in order to steal, kill and destroy. I have come in order that you might have life and have it in abundance.
             Honey, We can't waste a good resurrection that was a fulfillment of the promise of God by giving the enemy a chance with our hearts. What the devil builds on is loopholes. Very small openings. He is not waiting on the people who don't believe in Jesus and have opened doors for him...He is preying on us who love Jesus and live for him. A loop hole may be as simple as taking back the mess God already took away from you. It may be us encouraging the toxicity that was once choking us. Some of the relationships we fall back to leave us worse than we were before.

Matthew 12:45 : Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. That is how it will be with this wicked generation." I don't know about you but I ain't messing with no demons lest I get seven more. I've been there and the bible is truth. Sometimes We don't backslide because we got tired of God but because we took some people back into our lives that corrupted our beliefs and everything we were working on. Salvation is not an easy thing to live out in a crazy world and if we're not rooted directly to the source, we can easily lose it. We are not in environments that encourage living in righteousness and holiness and something as simple as a relationship with the wrong person can eat away our salvation. The enemy will bring false joy and then steal it. For some of us, It doesn't take a legion of demons to get to us and attack our salvation, It just takes one man or one girl that we used to groove with and baaam! The devil gets us and kills and destroys our salvation!

BUT JESUS! OH HONEY BUT JESUS! His is abundance. Not just life, but a full life. We're not saved to be eating leftovers with pigs like we used to before Him. He came and died that we the prodigals eat at the table with Him as our king. His body was the greatest feast that we may never look for crumbs of bread from the world. So, I say no to sin, no to living in sin and no to anything that looks like sin in the form of  toxic relationships.

 It used to be so easy to give up my Jesus for a boy because of the false joy of the enemy until I fully understood what it means to have Jesus in the throne room of my heart, boy or no boy. I will not give up my right to eternity for any mortal that slowly steals away the peace and  joy of communion with the Lord. Abundance for me is not just a boy who truly loves me but one who's mindset is heaven bound and whose love takes me back to the cross. Abundance is not a bunch of stuff I can acquire on earth, it's the overwhelming happiness that comes with realizing Jesus knows my name and notices me and He's coming back for me. And if I was worth the sacrifice of the cross then it's only natural that I ride in the abundance of heavenly gifts including a heavenly made relationship that is not in form of half heartedness, kindas and maybes, whatchu doing tonight, I sorta love you, I think we should date, Can you come over, I miss what we used to have....Heck nah boo boo! Those are pits! Abysses!
5. You will heal from the brokenness eventually but don't give up on the process
Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ.
Healing from toxicity and broken relationships is hard. No lie! Especially when you're rejected, you keep on wondering what you never had that they wanted. It's even harder when they come back and they're not sure whether they still want you or not. Human beings are selfish in nature and people will come back to you when they need you. Maybe the person they left you for broke their heart and they remembered you'd make a good rebound. Maybe they get lonely and realize you always take them back. It's in those moments of weakness that we shouldn't give in to our feelings and flesh. How? Shut the freaking door of communication. Cut contact if you gotta. Mark 9:43 If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It's better to enter eternal life with only one hand than to go into the unquenchable fires of hell with two hands.

The Leniency with which we sometimes take our destinies will cost us greatly. If God cuts certain people off from your life, don't go looking for them because they don't fit into the picture of where God is taking you. Our stupid feelings lie to us...We need vigilance when dealing with our purpose in life. We can't take everybody with us.  You sure don't need the little boyfriend or girlfriend that keeps staining the white gown Jesus has put on you. They just over there applying mud and grease on what has been washed white as snow and we let them. Ah! Ah! Not anymore. 

The Faithfulness of God is unmatched in each and every single thing. He is faithful enough to take you to the place of complete healing from heartbreaks and complete salvation from soul ties. Just don't give up and don't give in. Our God is a promise keeper and for the promise He makes, He adds His vow (Hebrews 6:17) meaning His NAME is on every Thing He says He will do. That includes taking care of you and giving you a good steward of your heart here on earth. Eventually, you will be happy again. Eventually, you will heal. Eventually, you will love again. But No to the shortcuts of the enemy. We're not born for left overs and half the bread. We're not adopted into a family of saints to live half any life. We're not saved by grace to keep on excusing sin. The process may be hard baby, trust me I know, BUT It's in those moments where Jesus will renew our strength to keep on trusting Him for the best in relationships.

I love you like crazy so you can imagine how much more Jesus loves you. I'm only an email away if you ever need anyone to talk to, give your life to Jesus, have a prayer request, have a question or need a friend ⇛ Love and Love. Njeri.
Keep Smiling. You matter to Jesus and to me. 
Be Bold. Be you. Be Dauntless.
No looking Back By Damita Haddon💕💕

Real Love And Actual Relationship Goals

            I'm a sucker for Love. Hopeless romantic if you like. I grew up with movies like High school Musical and I had learned all the love songs word by word😎. I'd pretend I was waltz dancing with my imaginary Troy Bolton(imaginary white boyfriend in the picture above😂) and all our friends (in this case sofas, wall unit and the television😕) were so jealous of me because they didn't have my kind of Love like in the movie(Judge me softly. Whatever that means😃). We had this sukumawiki farm that mom had neatly planted outside our house and I'd get my hair brush and sing to the plants and tell them all about love. Yes, I wanted to be Hannah Montana (minus the wigs😉) and have a really cute boyfriend with Justin Beiber's original haircut😝😆(Don't throw stones.13 year me loved Beiber and his hair). My first soap opera was La Mujer De Mi Vida and there's a day I literally cried my eyes out and refused to eat because my parents refused that I should watch a soap opera before bed😢 because I didn't get my daily dose of love😂. If you scroll down my facebook timeline(Don't. You won't succeed. The Lord has since saved me😝) to the first time I posted, you'll see the first person I directly messaged on the timeline was Jose Miguel Montesinos from the soap opera Soy tu duena🙈🙉 (I talk too much😞)

       How old was I again? Not old enough. My view of love was shaped very early by the media. Faces, a good body and smooth talk was my idea of love from the gazillion soap operas and romantic movies I watched😐. I had to learn that A bunch of genetically blessed people acting on a production budget cannot and do not define love in a period of sixty minutes to ninety minutes quoting what someone else wrote. Real life whopped my butt big time teaching me that lesson😥. I felt so cheated when I saw the behind scenes of Titanic considering that I had cried my eyes out for three straight days because of how Jack loved Rose!😭😭 Oh I googled and the story was fiction😒. Darn! what a twisted reality.

          I'm no expert in love matters(Clearly😃) but I know a little sumn' sumn'😎 Let's go to social media love. I love social media because it presents the greatest opportunity to spread the message of The Lord to a very large number of people. BUT It's also where everyone is trying so hard to prove to the world that their lives are perfect😝. Folks feed us with their relationship details on social media like their perfect couple pictures and you'll see friends and strangers alike comment ''Aaaaw relationship goals😍'' ''I want your kind of love💕'' ''Goals for days💖'' ''You two are so perfect for each other💑'' 
         I have also seen unmarried couples who are perfect on social media but miserable in real life😳. They physically fight, hurt each other and sometimes it looks like are about to kill each other. But when it's time for perfect lighting, camera and action it becomes hashtag my main man, #too blessed to be stressed, #ride or die, #le boyfie, #your relationship goals, #haters go hang yourselves, #she's mine find yours, #my girl badder than yours, #Bae watch, #you can't touch this....blah blah blah and the final blah😒. Honestly, I don't mind. I love seeing people in love😍. Goodness gracious I do (You don't want to know how watching weddings make me cry and how many wedding videos I've watched🙈🙊) I however prefer to see married couples in love on social media. It makes more sense that way. The thing is, we have people who fall in love like five times a year and post all the fives baes and before the audience gets over the previous one there's already another one and I'm there scrolling like..."Another boy/girl friend. Bruh😫 Already??Gerrarahia mehn!😒" (This is the part I'd sip Slimming Tea as I smirk at that story but I have none so moving on swiftly😂)

          One day I was going about my business as usual on the streets of twitter when I remembered I used to see a certain famous twitter relationship so I put on my stalker coat😎 and as a concerned shareholder I landed on their timelines(How else will I put to use all the knowledge I gather from series like stalker and The Mentalist?🙈) Boy! Folk broke up and my oh my wamae!(Jeff Koinange voice😜) it was nasty. They hurled insults at each other, made memes to mock each other's weakness, started trending hashtags and their little secrets saw the light of day (I know I should have brought popcorn for this grand finale...caramel popcorn to be precise...for anyone feeling blessed to take me to the movies😂). It was like they never even liked each other let alone love. In a week after the break up, folk had moved on with other people and posting pictures with hashtag new beginnings just like that😨. Bruuuh!Just like that😲😵The funny thing is that there were still people out there investing their precious emojis(don't waste emojis. Emoji lives matter😎) to comment on the new found bae pictures. Clearly all that social media hype is just hype! 🙍

John 3:16 For God loved the world so much that he gave his only son so that everyone who believes in Him may not die but have eternal life.
This is probably the most common bible verse in all of history. The thing about common verses is that they are so repeatedly said but hardly understood. This has everything to do with relationships if you're wondering. God sacrificed the very thing He loved most. For what? A bunch of humans He loved but didn't love Him back. His heart spoke of love, His mind had a plan to save the world, His will was that the world He was planning to save would believe in His son and His reward was forever with Him. What does this mean? God's plan revolved and was centered on Jesus Christ. From the beginning, Jesus was the center. 
Ephesians 1:10 God's plan is to bring all creation together with Christ as Head.
                                   John 1: 3a Through Him God made all things.
           Honey, you cannot begin to love another person wholly if you don't love Jesus. Everything exists to be centered in Christ Including relationships.  That's how God rolls. It just won't work without Jesus. Let's retrace our steps back to the cross and focus on Jesus for a moment(this story gets me all the time😭😭)...the Romans used a whip made of small pieces of bones and metal attached to a number of leather strands and 39 times that thing fell on Jesus' bare back, they made a crown of thorns set it on His head and then struck Him on the head with a rod over and over, spat on Him, mocked Him. As if that wasn't enough, He still had a cross to carry. On Calvary, Nails about 7 inches long were driven through His palms and feet and raised on the wooden cross like a low life Criminal and left to die. FOR WHAT I ASK? BECAUSE OF LOVE! FOR GOD LOVED YOU AND I SO MUCH! Beloved, they shouted  ''Kill Him! Give us Barrabas!''...They chose Barrabas after everything He had done for them But He still chose them after everything they had done to Him! He chose us, He chose the cross and did not stop them when they insulted Him(Isaiah 50:6) How then can we not center this kind of Love in our relationships?

          Unless you take time and soak in all that sacrifice that was made for you, a person undeserving of love, then you will not be in a position to love another person as flawed as you. Love is not a bunch of feelings wrapped up in sweet words, it's not some expensive designer gifts, it's not some perfectly edited pictures, it's not a date or a candle lit dinner. There are so many definitions of Love but here is mine. JESUS IS LOVE AND LOVE IS JESUS. He is the equation and the equation is Him. The problem with the world is that it tries to separate the equation so that it can accommodate a pair of thighs in its bed and justify it using feelings, it wants to touch but touch just a little as long as it doesn't get to third base or home run because after all home run is 'the real sin'😒...We equate and justify Love with what we see others in the world doing when they're in love. How about we look to Jesus and see what He did when He proved His Love for us then emulate it? The secret here is to FOCUS ON JESUS. When you do that, you start to see your his plan for love through His eyes and even more beautiful is you start to see sin through his eyes and flee from it.
           Some wonder why their relationships don't last whereas ''God told them H/She was the one.'' Does God tell you that h/she is the one and then goes ahead and breaks y'all relationship?😝The truth is it just felt right, the squad will applaud us because of how hot the partner is, our hormones approved of the relationship then we tried to fix God somewhere in there so that He can approve and honey that is bound to fail sooner or later! it's a serious sumn' sumn' we call lust. If it's from Him then it has to start from Him and In Him and end with Him in eternity. It's not for show, it's not for appearances and it's not for some app. It's for the lord because after all every good and perfect gift comes from above(James 1:17)

             No, it's not a pair of matching louboutins or yeezys, not matching clothes written His and Hers, not even matching cars or matching pair of designer watches. All these things are cute and fancy and I like them but they won't buy you and your partner eternity so they should not be the focus. The internet presents these pictures of people who seem to have really mastered the art of life and relationships. The idolisation of perfect couple pictures seems to paint the essence and destination of life as getting yourself a man or woman that's insanely attractive and who will make cute pictures for the gram😒. Everyone trying to be so extra in order to qualify as other people's goals. And this breeds the ground for comparison. Comparison makes one crave for what they see even if they don't understand the story behind it. For someone like that, love then becomes how well she and the bae can look more like with Kim And Kanye, Beyonce and Jayz....etc etc. And that for them becomes goals. A shadow of other people's love.

                       Do you desire love so that you can be complete? Do you desire love so that you can boast to your friends about it and post pictures on social media? Do you desire love so that y'all can wear matching things and get cute babies? Do you desire love so that you can finally walk down the aisle with that cute Cinderella dress? Do you desire love because you're Getting old? Do you desire love because all your mates seem to have found it? WHAT IS YOUR GOAL FOR FINDING LOVE? Is it that God should be glorified in your relationship or that you May be glorified by others for it? When you understand the purpose of something then you won't abuse it...Even Love. You know why it's easy for someone to be a player? Because they see a jar of hearts they can collect and place on the shelf BUT they don't see hearts that were bled for on a cross and how precious every heart is because it was bought by blood. They don't see the purpose of Love.

          Eternity is my goal. Forever with Jesus is my dream. My goal is to stand before the King of Kings and hear, ''Well done Good and Faithful servant.'' I want to know that I'll eventually stand before Majesty and My best friend surrounded by glory wondering whether I will dance for Him or in awe of Him be still. And if My earthly relationship does not reflect Jesus who is love then I don't want it. That's why I can't afford to make what I see on instagram as real life goals. I don't want the glitterati and grandeur that many are dying for and miss out on the real authentic reward of John 3:16. If it does not look to Him as the example of Love, I simply don't want it

           I'm no love guru but Looking for love, making some earthly goals and then fixing Jesus in the picture will give you temporary satisfaction and a broken heart. Don't get me wrong, You might find love that way but it will only go as far as your eyes can see because after all the devil has counterfeit 'gifts' too. Jesus, Jesus And More Jesus. Just that name. Focus on that name and let it be your goal to find the kind of love that will be a reflection of Jesus. One that stirs in you a fire to fix your eyes on things above and not earthly things(Colossians 3:2). After all we're all but vacationers in this world because our real home is in heaven (John 14:2) and I don't know about you but As for me, I wanna have a blast seeking the Love and will of Jesus with someone as equally Crazy for the Lord. That means obeying, trusting and waiting on Him no matter what it costs. Jesus died for me and I will Live for Him. I Love you for being here💝. Annnnd hunney, listen to this song 🙆😉You covered me by Dr. Vernon
1 Thessalonians 4:17 Then we who are still alive and remain on earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And So we will be with the Lord forever.
Love and Love And Love. If you ever need someone to talk to email me .Jesus loves you like crazy.
Be bold. Be Dauntless. Be You.

So you like buffets? Well, God ain't one honey!


             Its pronounced as boo-fay in British English or if you like bah-fay in American English BUT it's not ba-fet or bu-fet😉. I Know this how? I've been there before and said ''We are having a bafet!''😂 Such savagery. Food! The magic in that word man! Fooo-oo-oo- dd! *insert some hype repetitive beat and a King Julian dance* 💃💃There! More like it. I am a foodie. A big foodie. Ashamed? Not a chance in the world. The only downside to my love for food is that, I could easily gain 10 pounds by lustfully looking at a fruit cake across the counter😭. The irony of this is that yes I love food but I hardly ever have much of it unless of course its samosas😋. Goodness! Abolfalz Beyhaqi was such a genius for the samosa mention in Tarikh-e Beyhaghi in the 10th century. Without you sir, I would have never known the piece of heaven in those small things😀. For the record, I don't know that dude either. His name is so hard, why would I know him?😒 I Just wanted to sound really smart saying his name (I'm still at the same intellectual place I was before mentioning his name. Sad). Auntie Wikipedia is the real genius. She and Uncle Google should be honored in my graduation speech😎. According to auntie, the hard name dude was the first person to mention sambusa. I'm telling you that guy would be my legit squad if he mentioned it in this century.
          I tend to get carried away by things I'm really passionate about....well, like samosas which are not today's topic. I really tried not to fuzz and twirl my hair extensions over my love for samosas.🙈  Lol but now you know my poison. It's good to know so that if I ever get lost then you'll tell the FBI, CIA And Homeland that, ''Njeri loves Jesus and Samosas. That's what we are sure about.'' (And yes I was looking for the day I will use those police terms I picked up from Designated survivor in real life and here we are. Voila!) We are trying to build a friendship here. Work with me😉.

          Back to buffets now! Phew! At last! I'm sure you've been to at least one event that had an array of food that required you to choose from. I'm not talking about those Kikuyu weddings where you have rice that looks like ugali with brown spots and the mama serving keeps insisting that its pilau😒; 
Me: Hii ni mchele gani?😕 (which type of rice is this?)
Serving Mama: Ni Pirau. Pirau jerii. (Pun is super intended) Nikuwekee pirau? 😉😀(It's pi-ra-u. Do you want pi-ra-u?)...........Sigh. 
Then There's mukimo with so many njahis you'd think there was a njahi give-away😔and not forgetting the king of the food, Mr. Big Potato swimming with two pieces of boiled meat in water presumed and believed to be soup😨. No! Not that fabrication of confusion. The sophisticated one often in metal bowls with different kinds of meat, rice in different colors, some carbs like roasted potatoes, and salads which I will NEVER EVER plate😎. Why? because you don't waste a good buffet by filling your plate with a salad😉. (I'm sorry if you're a salad person...we could be friends but it'd be a very strained relationship)  And they have desserts with strange names like croquembouche😐 that are ridiculously sweet...not that I've eaten croquembouche but I never really know what I'm eating with desserts so its only appropriate to mount that word there. The plates are often smaller than the food you should choose from which is unfair and most of us fill our plates like there's no tomorrow and we have heard the trumpet of the Lord's second coming😂. I included. It is in those moments you'll hear my mom say in the background..."Hakuna supper leo. Mtu akule na abebe na tumbo."  (''There is no supper for you today.You eat and carry with your stomach''). By the end of that buffet, you can hardly walk. All of you. Father, Mother, Minions. 😞Sigh.
          You should see the village folk in a wedding held in a posh place like Safari Park where the meaning of buffet is taken very seriously. Wah!😝That buffet will be buff buff before even half the people in the wedding eat. In such situations, it's advisable to swallow your elite ''born tao'' pride and be among the first to go for food. Let's not pretend here😔. True story people.

          The beauty of any buffet is the freedom to choose what you want, what suits you, what you desire. There is no buffet police to tell you what you should or shouldn't pick. If you feel like having a salad, then by all means bore the rest of us on the table with you😄. The idea here is, you pick this and leave that...According to your preferences. Stay with me here.

          So many times in 2016, I picked up pieces of the gospel that I liked and left those that didn't suit me in the bowl. I often picked up parts of scripture that talked about grace so as to make me feel good about my sin. I Hated it every time I stumbled upon Galatians 5:13 because serving one another in love is sometimes super difficult. I have wanted the easy way out; the not praying, the not laboring on my knees, the not seeking. I have wanted forgiveness without forgiving others. Wanted Love when I secretly dislike the next person. I have even felt like I have the right to the part of God that accepts me but not the part of him that corrects me. It has taken me forever to fully accept John 15 because pruning is painful and cutting off is hard BUT I still claim to want growth. 

          GOD IS NOT A BUFFET! This is a lesson to myself first. You don't pick what you want and leave the rest. Honey, its a package deal. If we really think about it....If He is an option on the menu then we end up with no God on our plate. Why? because then the Christianity we pick up remains to be a religion of self. The plate is filled with all human desires so God really does not make the cut. We brand ourselves Christians who speak perfect Christianese BUT the choices we make (mostly secretly) are not Christ-Like because we have reduced Him to that..... An option on our plate to run to when money is low in the bank, when someone is dying in the hospital, during accidents, when we need good grades and school fees. BUT...He becomes the small dessert side-plate in our relationships and when things seem fine. 

          We don't want Him involved in our relationships because we don't trust Him with them...He in that moment of heated passion becomes the party pooper, the stick in the mud and the kill joy. Why? Because He desires Purity and treatment of our bodies as temples and it does not quite suit our hormones or feelings at that particular time so what do we do? We shove God in the backseat to when next we will need Him which is probably when we need forgiveness and the strength to move on or after failure. We pick Him Up, dust Him off and we say...."I'm in need of something Now. Do you mind working some of those miracles you do? I kinda need that very urgently."

          We try so hard to put God in a box, to really fit him into the lines we create, to limit Him to the walls in our minds. I am as guilty as they get. I have labored so hard sometimes to this point; "No God, it is supposed to be this way. Why on earth, would you take that away? I need it. I Love it. You can't just do that Daddy. I'm smart, I'll handle this." The nerve! The audacity! The effrontery of a mortal like me to argue with immortal perfection...1 Timothy 1:17 Now Unto The King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honor and glory for ever and ever

          Without full and complete knowledge of who Jesus Christ is then he will remain but a buffet. But an OPTION. And we become collectors of bits and pieces of him instead of harvesters of all He has in store for His Children. You don't come to the full knowledge of God without the Spirit 1st Corinthians 2:11 It is only a person's spirit that knows all about him; in the same way only God's spirit knows all about God. An understanding of our God exposes you to His true nature and once you get this understanding then you will know His true and perfect will. So even when His will does not seem to suit your desires, right there in that moment you will know IT IS STILL GOOD.

          To come to this place where we understand our God, requires dying to self.Luke 9:23 And He said to them all, "If anyone wants to come with me, he must forget self, take up his cross everyday and follow me." It is only a full immersion into the Spirit of God and a sincere cultivated relationship that shows you God's heart and in this, you must decrease that He should increase. Don't grace church for an hour or two on Sunday and leave open the rest of the week and expect to be revealed to the treasures hidden in secret places(Isaiah 45:3) 'I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name....It will take Jeremiah 33:3 to unlock that 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things that you don't know about.' You will actually need to do your part and Call unto the Lord. Why I'm i saying this? 1st Corinthians 2:14...'Whoever does not have the Spirit cannot receive the gifts that come from God's spirit.'  

          We don't really need to limit ourselves to the nature of God by shopping for the attributes and parts of scripture that favor our circumstances in His kingdom. By virtue of Jesus Christ, we have all these things and so much more. Let me give a corny example; When I get married in future (hey boo thang 😉😉*wink*), I will take up my husband's last name and everything His will become mine. I will be getting married to his good side, his weakness, his bad habits. Its the same way with Jesus Christ. We are His bride, By default we are joint heirs with Him in the Kingdom of God (Romans 8:17) We will possess with Christ what God has kept for Him and He has taken us with every fault in us (Ephesians 5:26&27) Christ loved the church and gave himself for it to dedicate it to God after making it clean and washing it in water. In order to present the church to Himself in all its beauty-pure and faultless, without spot, wrinkle or imperfection...He has fully accepted us as we are and all He wants is our hearts to be completely dependent on Him for Every single thing; (Proverbs 3:5-6)Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight. (John 15:5) I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 
           It's a bad thing when a wife only goes to the husband when she's in need of money because then she reduces her husband to an ATM Machine😒. This means there is really no other basis she interacts with her husband. Don't we reduce God to that sometimes? Some guy in the sky who's got all these stuff we want and His work is to drop them like it's hot when we shed some few tears😒. Here's the thing ....God wants full custody over you honey and not just weekend visits where you remind him of what he must do and by what time. He wants to take you out on Monday, On Tuesday....all the way to Sunday💕. And it ain't going to be no walk in the park....there will be tears and hard lessons but that is how we learn, get refined and that is how He trusts us with bigger things, assignments, people, situations and His Kingdom because then we will be tested by fire.

          Imagine how He feels when we've been living wrong and we carry forward that pretense to His presence thinking He doesn't see through our hearts😒. The funny thing with us is that we are willing to go through so much dirt in our relationships with other people because we want to prove that love conquers all things👀. Just ask a woman in love with a bad boy🙊. But cultivating our relationship with God becomes so hard. Why? It's as simple as we just don't feel like it...UNTIL we actually need His help...then we'll do some technical appearances in church, open the bible to prove a point to Him, help the needy we pass by everyday to justify why we deserve blessings, throw in some loud prayers here and there, Whatsapp and Facebook share some bible verses and change our profile pictures to Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen quotes...mostly on Providence (For the record, I love those quotes. You should see my gallery) and download a few good gospel songs😒😒😞

          2017 is coming up. God knows how much I love you for always taking the time to drop around here. It's an honor and privilege to share my Jesus with you. It is so heavy in my heart to share that, Jesus wants more of Us...Me and You. More willingness, more love, more readiness, more sincerity. His birth and death is a proof that He withheld absolutely nothing so the question is what more of Him do we want? In real sense He now wants More of Us after the scandalous sacrifice of Himself for us. He does not want to be the dusty book you pull out from the shelf when you're bored. He wants EVERYTHING in you. All year long. Choose Christ, Continue Choosing Him even when it makes no sense. Even when you have no song, Praise on. Even when the fight is won, Praise on. Don't ever stop.You and I were wrapped up in Scarlet Kindness on that cross FOR A RELATIONSHIP NOT A SITUATIONSHIP. .Ernest Wamboye would at this point say, The Bible is daily bread and Not Cake for special occasions.
Merry Christmas Darling and I wish you and yours👪 A 2017 with a complete 360 degree experience of God's goodness, Love and Everything because His children have the privilege of Everything. Kindly listen to this song Prince Of Peace--Of Dirt And Grace by Hillsong United
Be bold. Be dauntless. Be you.

Keep smiling. You matter to Jesus and to me.

Set-All-In Instead of Settling!

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold      
Someone to give me the jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we're old
Sometimes I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close be my Man
I will love you till the end.
    Lyrics from Dear No-one by Tori Kelly.
           I am not the type that fills my playlist with love songs because it will make me go from being on top of the world lip-syncing to moody to texting my favorite ex to crying when I start over-thinking why I'm single PLUS I Love the taste and sound of praise and worship on my lips all the time. But You know when a song has so much depth and nakedness of truth such that it hurts and at the same time it's pleasurable? You wanna cry and laugh at the same darn time. Oxymoron, I know. So, this girl Tori Kelly whom I love just had me feeling some typa way with this song. That itch to have the soulmate around, talking drowning depths of the future with 3 kids in it...My Emerald,My Ruby and My Milan( NB!! Don't steal my baby names lol and yes I have already named them 10 years before I See them); a home in the suburbs, a get-away cottage in the highlands perfect for hoodies, bonfires, hot chocolate, crisp cool air, a guitar and acoustics in the wild. Not the soap-opera shenanigans or Rom-com make belief of a perfect get-away to the Maldives or Hawaii on film budgets with software edited slow motion happy moments. The raw, authentic, low budget, local, technology-free imperfect type is what my old soul longs for....Happiness dependent on dry humor, inside jokes, beautiful weirdness, small victories and less dependent on the price tag.

          I have met (still meeting) many guys in the past few years. I've seen the hotcake who thinks we should all bow down as his minions, the Facebook timeline christian with a double life, the career oriented selfish one, the weird not-so intelligent one, the church going preaching water drinking wine one, Mr. Luke-warm, the successful Satanist(Yes I mean the real Satan...Voodoo weirdo), the Oh so boring small talk type(I just can't with this one), the manly insecure one, the egotistical know-it all, Mr.Nice guy and a lot who fall into the tribe of Strange. The truth? I've dated some of these people and I got it wrong 99.9% of the time which leaves a margin of 0.1% for the one that got away. I have found myself settling for less than I deserve simply because I felt something that was disguised as love but produced as infatuation, cheap thrills and lust. I once dated this strange human who told me at the verge of breaking up that nobody would ever love me because I wasn't pretty enough!?(Joke's on him now) Sometimes I look back at my foolishness and wonder why I gave bits and pieces of my heart to complete jerks...When girls say they love the bad boys, they don't mean that...They just love the euphoria  of having a man who treats them like crap and isn't afraid to show it;It looks manly and devoid of weakness which is sheer foolishness...For some reason it's attractive ONLY when you don't know who and whose you are! Decent guys have the last laugh.

          I'm about to go 100% out of chill pills and get blunt. How many times do we end up with broken hearts out of our own choosing? We settle for the cutest thing that walked into church...I mean,If they made it to church they must have some form of godliness, right?! We carnally go for the goods we see which make us believe they are good people with their good faces and forget that Good without God is pretty darn useless. We hardly take time to uncover the hidden beauty and ugliness of whomever we are attracted to. As long as there is a mention of Jesus on their Facebook and Instagram timelines then they are definitely the perfect match. This is not coming from a Saint but a girl who falls short of the glory sometimes...A perfectly imperfect Christian who needs Jesus at the tick of every NANOSECOND because she knows how hard it is to keep it together and color inside the lines.

          And as I started this post with those words from Dear No-One....I desire so badly sometimes to have someone to paint a black canvas with and this desire has led me to fall, overlook and settle for less. My ideal man is not one who walked out of a movie set with toned abs and a perfect beard...I Do have a list yes but the most important thing for me is for him to be totally sold out to Christ, a pursuer of God's heart with fruit to show for it...I can't compromise that BUT in the recent past it was okay for me to just see a bible on his table, to know he goes to church, to see that he prayed for food, Sung in choir and to hear him mention Jesus once in a while. Guess what? It was never enough! I broke up with these guys anyway! It never is enough to go for what you see and hear about people. Settling for the glitter un-afraid that glitter is easily blown by the wind. Settling for the one with the lightest skin because she gives you a status And makes for popular social media. Settling for the guy with the car un-afraid that it is a liability more so if it was bought on loan. Settling for the big bum and apple shaped chest un-afraid that that these days it can be bought and taken off at night. Settling without a standard. The minute you settle for less than you deserve you get even less than you settled for.

          Jesus! Just that name has made me want to Set-All-In Him. Set all my cares, desires and loneliness to Him who's perfect and enough. Colossians 3:1&2  Says that we've been raised to life with Christ therefore we should SET our hearts and minds on things that are in heaven and not on things here on earth.
Don't lose sight of who you are in Christ and all He has in store for you because of your thirst for a Bae! The truth? So many of us are so stuck on our relentless pursuit to be someones bride/b-groom instead of SETTING AND FIXING our hearts on being the bride of Christ! Jesus is the destination honey and if what you've settled for takes you away from this purpose, it's not worth it. Refuse to be the double standard christian who's in church on Sunday and in bed with the boy/girlfriend on Wednesday. The truth? It ain't easy to not conform to the patterns of this world;We are all weak in our flesh but Galatians 2:20 says that we've been crucified with Christ so It is no longer Us who live but Christ in Us and the life we now live in flesh, we live by faith in Jesus who loved us and gave himself for us. Get close to God first before getting close to anyone else because God without a man is still God but man without God is nothing.
                    The truth? The devil is not sitting down on a couch with crossed legs sipping tea having a field day watching young people be successful at waiting on God! He is so at work attacking the body of Christ. And He ain't dressed in a red cap and horns...Oh no!He'll bring along the girl or guy of your dreams sugar-coated with everything on your list which will make you settle for them without thinking twice of double checking if they Living Out Jesus or using Him as a cover-up to get to you.
Once you SET YOUR ALL in Jesus, His perfection will shield your weakness; His strength becomes your own. Let's not settle because we are tired of waiting. Until we fully understand how much Jesus loves us,we will always settle for less of a life than he sacrificed so much for. I'm not writing this because I have I have come up with this formula that makes me sub-human...NO!I Just know Jesus. Jesus is all I know and all I'm praying to have for eternity. Jesus makes forever make sense...Something No man can do.

Remember the song I started with? Here's how it ends
I'd love to have a soulmate
And God will give him to me someday
And I know he'll be worth the wait 
When the time is right you will be here

Dear Soulmate, I may want you here and now but I am still a huge work in progress. When the time is right, God will introduce us but until then May Jesus help us to Set All in Him and not to settle for what we see in the world.

Dear wonderful person reading this, Thank you for stopping by. I love you but Jesus is way crazy about you. Set All in Him...He's the real deal.
Keep smiling. You matter to Jesus and me!
Be bold. Be Dauntless. Be you.