But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me the jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we're old
Sometimes I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close be my Man
I will love you till the end.
Lyrics from Dear No-one by Tori Kelly.
I am not the type that fills my playlist with love songs because it will make me go from being on top of the world lip-syncing to moody to texting my favorite ex to crying when I start over-thinking why I'm single PLUS I Love the taste and sound of praise and worship on my lips all the time. But You know when a song has so much depth and nakedness of truth such that it hurts and at the same time it's pleasurable? You wanna cry and laugh at the same darn time. Oxymoron, I know. So, this girl Tori Kelly whom I love just had me feeling some typa way with this song. That itch to have the soulmate around, talking drowning depths of the future with 3 kids in it...My Emerald,My Ruby and My Milan( NB!! Don't steal my baby names lol and yes I have already named them 10 years before I See them); a home in the suburbs, a get-away cottage in the highlands perfect for hoodies, bonfires, hot chocolate, crisp cool air, a guitar and acoustics in the wild. Not the soap-opera shenanigans or Rom-com make belief of a perfect get-away to the Maldives or Hawaii on film budgets with software edited slow motion happy moments. The raw, authentic, low budget, local, technology-free imperfect type is what my old soul longs for....Happiness dependent on dry humor, inside jokes, beautiful weirdness, small victories and less dependent on the price tag.
I have met (still meeting) many guys in the past few years. I've seen the hotcake who thinks we should all bow down as his minions, the Facebook timeline christian with a double life, the career oriented selfish one, the weird not-so intelligent one, the church going preaching water drinking wine one, Mr. Luke-warm, the successful Satanist(Yes I mean the real Satan...Voodoo weirdo), the Oh so boring small talk type(I just can't with this one), the manly insecure one, the egotistical know-it all, Mr.Nice guy and a lot who fall into the tribe of Strange. The truth? I've dated some of these people and I got it wrong 99.9% of the time which leaves a margin of 0.1% for the one that got away. I have found myself settling for less than I deserve simply because I felt something that was disguised as love but produced as infatuation, cheap thrills and lust. I once dated this strange human who told me at the verge of breaking up that nobody would ever love me because I wasn't pretty enough!?(Joke's on him now) Sometimes I look back at my foolishness and wonder why I gave bits and pieces of my heart to complete jerks...When girls say they love the bad boys, they don't mean that...They just love the euphoria of having a man who treats them like crap and isn't afraid to show it;It looks manly and devoid of weakness which is sheer foolishness...For some reason it's attractive ONLY when you don't know who and whose you are! Decent guys have the last laugh.
I'm about to go 100% out of chill pills and get blunt. How many times do we end up with broken hearts out of our own choosing? We settle for the cutest thing that walked into church...I mean,If they made it to church they must have some form of godliness, right?! We carnally go for the goods we see which make us believe they are good people with their good faces and forget that Good without God is pretty darn useless. We hardly take time to uncover the hidden beauty and ugliness of whomever we are attracted to. As long as there is a mention of Jesus on their Facebook and Instagram timelines then they are definitely the perfect match. This is not coming from a Saint but a girl who falls short of the glory sometimes...A perfectly imperfect Christian who needs Jesus at the tick of every NANOSECOND because she knows how hard it is to keep it together and color inside the lines.
And as I started this post with those words from Dear No-One....I desire so badly sometimes to have someone to paint a black canvas with and this desire has led me to fall, overlook and settle for less. My ideal man is not one who walked out of a movie set with toned abs and a perfect beard...I Do have a list yes but the most important thing for me is for him to be totally sold out to Christ, a pursuer of God's heart with fruit to show for it...I can't compromise that BUT in the recent past it was okay for me to just see a bible on his table, to know he goes to church, to see that he prayed for food, Sung in choir and to hear him mention Jesus once in a while. Guess what? It was never enough! I broke up with these guys anyway! It never is enough to go for what you see and hear about people. Settling for the glitter un-afraid that glitter is easily blown by the wind. Settling for the one with the lightest skin because she gives you a status And makes for popular social media. Settling for the guy with the car un-afraid that it is a liability more so if it was bought on loan. Settling for the big bum and apple shaped chest un-afraid that that these days it can be bought and taken off at night. Settling without a standard. The minute you settle for less than you deserve you get even less than you settled for.
Jesus! Just that name has made me want to Set-All-In Him. Set all my cares, desires and loneliness to Him who's perfect and enough. Colossians 3:1&2 Says that we've been raised to life with Christ therefore we should SET our hearts and minds on things that are in heaven and not on things here on earth.
Don't lose sight of who you are in Christ and all He has in store for you because of your thirst for a Bae! The truth? So many of us are so stuck on our relentless pursuit to be someones bride/b-groom instead of SETTING AND FIXING our hearts on being the bride of Christ! Jesus is the destination honey and if what you've settled for takes you away from this purpose, it's not worth it. Refuse to be the double standard christian who's in church on Sunday and in bed with the boy/girlfriend on Wednesday. The truth? It ain't easy to not conform to the patterns of this world;We are all weak in our flesh but Galatians 2:20 says that we've been crucified with Christ so It is no longer Us who live but Christ in Us and the life we now live in flesh, we live by faith in Jesus who loved us and gave himself for us. Get close to God first before getting close to anyone else because God without a man is still God but man without God is nothing.
The truth? The devil is not sitting down on a couch with crossed legs sipping tea having a field day watching young people be successful at waiting on God! He is so at work attacking the body of Christ. And He ain't dressed in a red cap and horns...Oh no!He'll bring along the girl or guy of your dreams sugar-coated with everything on your list which will make you settle for them without thinking twice of double checking if they Living Out Jesus or using Him as a cover-up to get to you.
Once you SET YOUR ALL in Jesus, His perfection will shield your weakness; His strength becomes your own. Let's not settle because we are tired of waiting. Until we fully understand how much Jesus loves us,we will always settle for less of a life than he sacrificed so much for. I'm not writing this because I have I have come up with this formula that makes me sub-human...NO!I Just know Jesus. Jesus is all I know and all I'm praying to have for eternity. Jesus makes forever make sense...Something No man can do.
Remember the song I started with? Here's how it ends
I'd love to have a soulmate
And God will give him to me someday
And I know he'll be worth the wait
When the time is right you will be here
Dear Soulmate, I may want you here and now but I am still a huge work in progress. When the time is right, God will introduce us but until then May Jesus help us to Set All in Him and not to settle for what we see in the world.
Dear wonderful person reading this, Thank you for stopping by. I love you but Jesus is way crazy about you. Set All in Him...He's the real deal.
Keep smiling. You matter to Jesus and me!
Be bold. Be Dauntless. Be you.